Masturbating In A Cup

from by Tom Willner

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lyrics

there have been times in my life
when i had myself no girlfriend and i had no wife
and there would be times
when i could cut the tension with a knife

i felt as though i had no control
i felt as though i 'd sell my own soul
just to snuff out the burning flame
to make the wild horses tame
to force the voices in my head to shut up
but i never thought i'd masturbate in a cup

masturbating in a cup feels very strange
masturbating in a cup will make a man change
oh i've done this before but one thing's for sure
i never had to stress about my aim
with a cup it's a completely new game

i consider myself a sensitive man
but they got magazines and videos to help out my hand
other men i know are so jealous of me
i get to leave work early and watch pornography
not only that but i can do so with impunity
so why do i feel like everyone's staring at me

masturbating in a cup feels very strange
masturbating in a cup will make a man change
oh i've done this before but one thing's for sure
i never had to stress about my aim
with a cup it's a completely new game

it doesn't really make me feel virile
when the room is so bland and yes sterile
i do this to make sure that we can always have kids
i just hope they never ask about what dear daddy did

masturbating in a cup feels very strange
masturbating in a cup will make a man change
oh i've done this before but one thing's for sure
i never had to stress about my aim
and i may never be the same

credits

from Turning Thirty, The Musical, released September 1, 2000

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Tom Willner Atlanta, Georgia

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