Turning Thirty, The Musical

by Tom Willner

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    Get the compact disc of the collection of 17 songs about my experience with cancer. These are the original versions recorded while undergoing cancer treatments. Also includes immediate download of 17-track album in your choice of 320k mp3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire.
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1.
03:20
i got sunshine in the daytime and moonshine in the night i got logic on my left side and an artist on my right i got high i got low i got heart and i got soul i got laughter and my song i got right i got wrong i got friends and i love i got typical and unheard of i got everything i could 'cause i got life and life is good i got many for every one a whole lot of boring but a mess of fun i got casual and fine i got water and a whole lot of wine i got happy i got sad sometimes good and sometimes bad for every rich there is some poor sometimes less sometimes more i got friends i got foes easy comes and easier goes i got more than anyone should 'cause i got life and life is good i got jobs but i got dreams tiny raindrops make up streams i got silence within sound i get lost but then i'm found i got action along with thought i get away with but i get caught i got random though it's planned a little spinet and a great big grand but there's one thing that i got and that one thing means a lot sometimes cold and sometimes hot it always is and is always not hard to grasp yet understood very doubtful but in all likelihood i got life and life is good
2.
01:49
for a child i am not ready for a child i have great fear for a child makes me wonder if to her i'll be less dear i'm not wild about the thought of changing everything around me for a child might change the person she will be for a child i wish he'd understand for a child is what i long it frightens me that he might see the time as always wrong i'm not wild about the thought of never having a family for without a child i'm afraid of the person i might be
3.
things have gone so well for you too well too well time to cast a spell on you time to give you hell but what could be the reason for this sudden turn for the worse no reason is required if the cause is uninspired it's just a curse because your number's up it's time for you to sweat yes your number's up and thirty's all you get that's more than you deserved i hate to wait so long you have so much that is right so here's some wrong look at you feeling everything is grand a little bit of shit can hit you right there where you stand when you least suspect it you won't know what it will be but you'll know it once it's there and you'll be so afraid to see that your number's up it's time for you to sweat yes your number's up and thirty's all you get that's more than you deserved i hate to wait so long why should everything be so right why should everything be so right when there is wrong
4.
03:27
i used to think they'd always be around no reason to think otherwise i'd found then one day everything had changed and my thoughts on the subject were completely rearranged it occurred to me that something had gone wrong and i'd have to act to fix it before long i had little time i had to make the call so i thought why should i worry when i can just have a ball have a ball have a ball oh i'm up against a wall if i let them have a ball there's only one left yes that's all they say i need just one they say it won't hurt at all well if that's what it takes then baby have a ball now you might think that it's an easy choice and you would not be afraid to raise your voice but let me tell you it's not simple at all no when you're face to face with the decision to have a ball have a ball have a ball oh i'm up against a wall if i let them have a ball there's only one left yes that's all they say i need just one they say it won't hurt at all well if that's what it takes then baby have a ball oh it's scary yes it's very solitary makes me wary like an unnecessary adversary it seems so involuntary why am i the only guy whose happy life's gone so awry i used to be tough i used to stand tall i used to have balls but now i only have a ball have a ball have a ball oh i'm up against a wall if i let them have a ball there's only one left yes that's all they say i need just one they say it won't hurt at all well if that's what it takes though it gives me the shakes please don't make any mistakes and baby have a ball
5.
everything was fine everything was good now there's only rubble where great buildings once stood my life has changed i've lost my footing my bearing the pages of my life neatly written now are tearing how could this be i had no reason to believe that this could happen to me the world i once knew is no longer true and the one that i'm left with is so frightening to see how could this be others have their problems i once had those too now i'd gladly trade mine for theirs if only that's what i could do i used to be so happy i used to have it made now i feel as though i have a mysterious debt to be repaid how could this be i had no reason to believe that this could happen to me the world i once knew is no longer true and the one that i'm left with is so frightening to see and the one that i'm left with is so frightening to see how could this be how dare this be the case what gall to mess with me i've never hurt another least not intentionally what nerve of him to enter my peaceful little town he's come into my life and turned it upside down i am hurt i am bitter and for the life of me i cannot see how this could be
6.
gotta get a test gotta do what's best gotta figure out what's wrong just a little prick don't worry it'll be so quick no it won't take very long there's only one way to be sure we have to take a look gotta stick to the procedure gotta do it by the book take a little bit from here drain a little bit from there send it off to analyze it quickly now don't jeopardize the chance we have to tell what's going on gotta get a test gotta do what's best gotta figure out what's wrong just a little prick don't worry it'll be so quick no it won't take very long there's only one way to be sure we have to take a look gotta stick to the procedure gotta do it by the book take a little bit from here drain a little bit from there send it off to analyze it quickly now don't jeopardize the chance we have to tell what's going on and when that part of you gets to the queue at one of the few places that do what we all knew we had to do to figure out what's up with you you have to wait i can't take this i gotta know right now the waiting just might kill me no i do not know how i'll be able to stand watching every grain of sand slowly tick away the time this should be a crime to make us sit and fret about the results that we might get oh how so much i hate to hurry up and wait
7.
i have fame and fortune and notoriety i hobnob with the rich and famous the dregs and everyone in between people think i am awful but i don't see it that way i bring out the best and worst in everyone regardless of what they say now i can make the powerful weak and i can make the very rich poor unite the masses against me yes that is what i'm for you see i got the best job in the world i got the best job in the world i got the best job in the world i got the best job would you like to sign up for my service there are so many ways to participate i partner up with all the things you love if you don't want me around don't take the bait would you care for a smoke how about a day at the beach out in the sun take the new gas guzzler out for a spin now wouldn't that be fun try some chemicals to help your food grow and other great products you can't do without the leftover stuff in your water and soil is nothing to get too concerned about i got the best job in the world i got the best job in the world i got the best job in the world i got the best job hold on now i take from insurance companies no one likes them anyway i give to the medical industry not a bad deal i would say what about science and research they need a good riddle or two if they already had all of the answers what would be left for them to do see i'm not so bad in fact you need someone like me i help to make your life worth living not your stupid jobs or your worthless stuff and all that shit that nobody's giving i bring purpose i return focus you'll reexamine values what's important to you you hate me because i cause pain but without me you wouldn't know what to do i got the best job in the world
8.
look at you feeling sorry for yourself pull yourself together get your will down off the shelf i've battled him before i can help you do what's right i don't know if we'll win but i do know we can fight together on this journey we must go for together we will face this foe sometimes you may fall and you may even die though you may not defeat him you must try you have the means at your disposal to beat him there's no trick set aside your fear for to win we must be quick don't let him hurt your will stand firm listen to me summon all your strength be prepared and you will see that together on this journey we must go for together we will face this foe sometimes you may fall and you may even die though you may not defeat him though you may not defeat him you must try i never asked for this i don't want to play this game i wish it would just go away as quickly as it came but maybe there is hope in something he has seen yes maybe he can help me and show me what he means he's a crafty little bastard i never asked for this he'll attack when you are down i don't want to play this game he'll hide 'til you forget him i wish it would just go away then he's sure to come around as quickly as it came but he's not without a weakness but maybe there is hope he works like a machine in something he has seen i tell you i can help you yes maybe you can help me let me show you what i mean yes show me what you mean that together on this journey we must go for together we will face this foe sometimes you may fall and i may even die though you may not defeat him though you may not defeat him we must try
9.
i don't know what's happening to me i don't know what the end of this will be hold me now i'm so afraid i can't see straight at all will you be there to catch me if I fall i don't know why this had to be i don't know what the end of this will be what will we do i'm frightened too i don't know what to say but i'll be here every moment every night and every day well i never had expected to be where we are today and it frightens me to think about the price that we might pay i don't have answers but i know the only thing to do i'll be here to get through this with you you're the one i rest my head upon when i go to bed you're the one who calms the demons running round inside my head you're the one i long for when i am alone you're the one who showed me love like i've never known well i never had expected to be where we are today and it frightens me to think about the price that we might pay this must be so hard for you and it's hard for me too i'll be here to get through this with you i'll be here i'll be here right here right here i'll be here to get through this with you
10.
there have been times in my life when i had myself no girlfriend and i had no wife and there would be times when i could cut the tension with a knife i felt as though i had no control i felt as though i 'd sell my own soul just to snuff out the burning flame to make the wild horses tame to force the voices in my head to shut up but i never thought i'd masturbate in a cup masturbating in a cup feels very strange masturbating in a cup will make a man change oh i've done this before but one thing's for sure i never had to stress about my aim with a cup it's a completely new game i consider myself a sensitive man but they got magazines and videos to help out my hand other men i know are so jealous of me i get to leave work early and watch pornography not only that but i can do so with impunity so why do i feel like everyone's staring at me masturbating in a cup feels very strange masturbating in a cup will make a man change oh i've done this before but one thing's for sure i never had to stress about my aim with a cup it's a completely new game it doesn't really make me feel virile when the room is so bland and yes sterile i do this to make sure that we can always have kids i just hope they never ask about what dear daddy did masturbating in a cup feels very strange masturbating in a cup will make a man change oh i've done this before but one thing's for sure i never had to stress about my aim and i may never be the same
11.
i know you're hurting i can ease your pain i know you're frightened i can keep you sane your battle's almost over it's time for you to rest though you may feel cursed realize you're blessed she knows exactly what to say what to do she's an angel i'm here for you she gets me what i need lets me do what i should do she takes care of me i'm here for you who is this person why is she so good to me she helps me to heal she compels me to see i go where i am needed that's why i'm here with you i can comfort you and help you heal 'cause that is what i do she knows exactly what to say what to do she's an angel i'm here for you she gets me what i need lets me do what i should do she takes care of me i'm here for you you may feel isolated but you are not alone if you need strength i have some to give think of where you want to be then take that first step to bounce back you must stand you must walk you will live she knows exactly what to say what to do she's an angel i'm here for you she gets me what i need lets me do what i should do she takes care of me i'm here for you
12.
04:42
sometimes i stand sometimes i fall sometimes i wonder if anyone understands at all what about me why did this even have to happen at all i don't care about some baby i care about him i don't want to be alone should he fall sometimes i feel like we will be fine we're lucky we'll get through it and we'll be ok this is just a minor detour but sometimes it doesn't feel that way what if it doesn't get better what if it gets worse what if we battle this for years until it finally breaks him and me it's such an unknown and i want to know i want it to be known and i want it to be good this is not how my life is supposed to be i'd have a husband who loves me and treats me so well we'd have carloads of children with stories to tell learning and growing and caring yearning and going and sharing this is the way it was meant for me not the way it has turned out to be i can't stand to see him this way tired and pained and suffering all day i think of what might be and don't know what to do i don't want to live if he's not here too the worst part is the man i can turn to can lean on who keeps me sane is the one who can't help me the one who's in pain dear god what on earth am i supposed to do this horrible nightmare is killing me too
13.
02:32
we meet again yes it's true why do you keep doing what you do why do i why do we you must grow tired of facing me no matter what you seem to do i come back for him or perhaps you i don't care what you say you won't win not today he was such an easy mark i can keep you in the dark i must warn you his will is strong together we'll make sure you're gone i grow tired of this senseless chatter let's get to the heart of the matter try to stop me or get out of my way oh we will stop you and you will pay i will pay don't insult me i've made you pay already can't you see you know it's true we're strong we're prepared but are so afraid to see you will see that your number's up together it's time for you to sweat the journey's led us here yes your number's up together and thirty's all you get the end is very near that's more than you deserved we must strike i hate to wait so long before long why should everything be so right if he thinks he'll win why should everything be so right if he thinks he'll win when there is wrong he is wrong
14.
01:23
they think that i'm defeated i'm so misunderstood they think the blade had slain me they think i'm gone for good but i'm not done yet don't underestimate me yes i'll be back just you wait and see no i'm not done yet i'm just keeping out of sight don't think that this is over for i've just begun to fight
15.
06:13
i've analyzed your enemy i know just what he needs he can't exist without you it's off of you he feeds so if you want him off your back you've come to the right place i can help you make him go away disappear without a trace so settle down relax no cause for a commotion i know the secret formula i have the magic potion i'll share with you the answer to make this one a ghost to kill this parasite we must poison the host a part of me is dying i can feel it fade away why must this be so trying i don't know what to say the sky has become overcast the sea's no longer grand the air is all polluted the soil has turned to sand i must be in a nightmare please tell me it's not real nothing could hope to assuage how horrible i feel when will this be over you need to drink some more i could not take another sip that's only one of four i know that you must suffer don't worry troubled friend though it may feel like an eternity soon all of this will end so drink up all your poison and sleep the whole night through for when the nightmare's over he will be worse off than you
16.
for a child i am now ready for a child i understand why she would plea so much to me the time is now at hand it surprises me that there could be a new outlook in me for a child won't change the people we will be for a child it's about time that that bastard's come around i thought i'd have to withhold sex until good sense was found oh thank god he finally lost the untimely error in his ways for if not more careful he'd darn well discover the end of his days for a child i'd be a father the mere thought could drive one mad i can scarcely fathom what 'twill be to be a dad maybe only now i see what it is that i could be look at him what a shock on and on he goes once again lost in himself where that is god only knows for a child we are now ready for a child i understand/and the time is now at hand it's such a gift one i've always planned all my doubts i've reconciled for upon us he has smiled now we are both wild for a child
17.
i got sunshine in the daytime and moonshine in the night i got logic on my left side and an artist on my right i got high i got low i got heart and i got soul i got laughter and my song i got right i got wrong i got friends and i love i got typical and unheard of i got everything i could 'cause i got life and life is good i got many for every one a whole lot of boring but a mess of fun i got casual and fine i got water and a whole lot of wine i got happy i got sad sometimes good and sometimes bad for every rich there is some poor sometimes less sometimes more i got friends i got foes easy comes and easier goes i got more than anyone should 'cause i got life and life is good i got jobs but i got dreams tiny raindrops make up streams i got silence within sound i get lost but then i'm found i got action along with thought i get away with but i get caught i got random though it's planned a little spinet and a great big grand but there's one thing that i got and that one thing means a lot sometimes cold and sometimes hot it always is and is always not hard to grasp yet understood very doubtful but in all likelihood i got life and life is good

about

This CD is a collection of 17 songs about Tom Willner's experience with cancer. These are the original versions, both raw and creative, recorded while undergoing cancer treatments.

Turning Thirty The Musical:

The story begins on the thirtieth birthday of the main character, Conlan. He enjoys his work. He and his wife are thinking of starting a family. However, an unexpected and unwelcome visitor arrives to change their lives forever. Conlan learns that he has testicular cancer and must go through several operations to battle it. His cancer is personified as T.C., a character who sees himself differently than one might expect.

Turning Thirty The Musical explores the needed surgical procedures and medical tests, the support of family and friends, and even the humorous side of the struggle, through song.

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released September 1, 2000

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